Most of you that know me have at least some idea of how clueless I am when it comes to the opposite sex. Some of you, however, I'm convinced do not fully appreciate the true extent of my cluelessness. So I will enlighten you. I will enlighten you through the telling of the story that most adequately illustrates my cluelessness, while still managing to have a happy ending. I'm going to tell the story of my meeting and eventual momentary romantic involvement with Liz, who is still one of my favorite people. I've told Liz about my plans to blog bout our early history, and she has decided that she, too, will blog about it, and then we'll compare the two versions to see where our both notoriously bad memories have improperly filled in the blanks. I think it will be a fun experiment in multiple perspective story telling. So any way...

How about a catchy title? hmmm. How about...

Like Sand From a Beach
How Mark's Cluelessness gets Absolutely Everywhere

Once there was an idiot. We'll call him...Mark. Ok, I'm too lazy to refer to myself in the third person, so this is going to be a first person tale. So one night I was out for a stroll around the bustling Metropolis that was downtown Boone, North Carolina. As I was walking along, I ran into my friend Jocelyn. Jocelyn is a fun person and a good friend of mine. So I start to stroll with her. Jocelyn is not alone. With her is a girl whom I'd met briefly before when she was introduced to me by Meghan, my somewhat recently ex-girlfriend. Liz had been introduced to me as Meghan's friend from NC School of the Arts, which they'd both attended. Liz was in town to visit Meghan from her hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina. After strolling with the two girls for a few minutes I discovered that Meghan had basically ditched Liz to go to a party that was invitation only. Jocelyn was essentially conscripted to baby-sit Liz until such time as Meghan had finished with her party. They could find nothing better to do than to walk around downtown Boone, which if you didn't catch it before, I was being sarcastic in describing as "bustling" and "metropolis". So, I invited them up to my apartment, with nothing inappropriate in mind. Don't get any strange ideas about me. So we chilled out at my pad, and I fixed Stove-top stuffing to munch on, such was (and still is) the limit of my culinary skillz. So as we all sat around chatting and amusing ourselves, and I forced these poor refugees to listen to some choice recordings of Bob Spelled Backwards, I really took further notice of Liz. My first impression had been, when introduced to me by Meghan, that she was really, really cute. Now that I was getting to see more of her personality, this was not diminished in the least. I was delighted to find her to be incredibly witty, intelligent, witty, clever, and...did I mention witty? So we chuckled and giggled the night away until they were both whisked away, back to Meghanland. "What a cool chick!", I thought to myself. "Too bad nothing will ever happen between us. I'll probably never even see her again. Oh well!" These were the thoughts that passed through my head and then Liz was filed away in my mind under the "out of reach" category.

Fast Forward One Year

About a year later, I heard through the grapevine, or maybe just the Megvine, that Liz was going to be back in Boone to visit Meghan again. I wondered if I'd have the opportunity to hang out with her again, and doubted it. In fact, I did not. However, almost by chance, I did run into Liz (and Meghan) briefly at one of my neighbor's (Stacey) famous parties. Liz was on her way out when I was on my way in, or I was on my way out and she was on her way in. One of the two, I don't remember. But we greeted one another and chatted briefly. I told her that I usually spent my vacation in Wilmington, and that I might be going back there again later in the summer. She said that, if I did, I should give her a call and gave me her phone number. Actually, now that I think about it, she told me she was in the phone book, and her last name is uncommon enough that I wouldn't have any trouble figuring out which number was hers. I told her I'd give her a call when I was in town, and I think I actually meant it. Now, it's important to note that since I had already filed Liz away in my mind under "out of reach" that my often crippling shyness never came into play with her. Now, before we continue with this tale, there's a small sub-story that needs to be told; one of immense coincidence, or perhaps destiny itself.

Story within the story

As I had stated earlier, I was planning on heading to Wilmington for my vacation that summer. I love Wilmington. It's an awesome town. I almost moved there instead of San Diego. So, for the rest of the summer, I wondered about how to plan my vacation. Being a poor guy, I couldn't afford a week at a hotel, and I was running low on friends in Wilmington that I could crash with. The last people I had crashed with were Chad and Michelle, who I knew from my brief time as bass player for Garden of Sirens, and who'd gone on to sniff national prominence in the goth/industrial music scene with their later band, "Voodou". But, I hadn't seen or spoken to either of them since the last time I'd stayed with them. On top of that, they had moved into a new house and I no longer knew how to get in touch with them. Besides, I'd feel too much like a mooch if I said, essentially, "Hey guys, I haven't seen or talked to you since the last time you were kind enough to let me crash on your couch for a week, but hey, would you mind if I came and crashed on your couch for a week again?" I was pondering this quandary one morning while getting ready for work. I was applying some lotion to my face. The lotion contained aloe, the smell of which reminded me of suntan lotion. The smell of suntan lotion reminded me of the beach which reminded me of my problem of how to spend an inexpensive week in Wilmington. Just then, I heard a noise outside my apartment, so I looked out the bathroom window. I was somewhat aghast, but standing in my front yard was none other than my friend Chad! So, I went downstairs to say hello, more happy with the rare opportunity to see my friend than anything else. But, in the back of my mind I was wondering how I could get myself invited back to their house for a visit. I greeted Chad and we exchanged pleasantries, and then, just about the first thing he said was, "Hey man, we've moved into a new house, we've got a guest room and two sleeper sofas. When are you going to come back down to visit?" And so the mighty hand of God reached down and said unto me, "Though shalt go to Wilmington". And he saw that it was good.

Wilmington

So here I was in Wilmington, hanging with Chad and Michelle and having a good 'ol time. I also was enjoying the company of their rather enormous but affectionately teddy-bearish dogs, Sam (Great Dane) and Church (Doberman). So it occurred to me, "Hey, I'm in Wilmington, why don't I give Liz a call?" Her number was as easy to find as she'd said it would be. So I called her. I think it was a Wednesday.
The following is a badly remembered approximation of our conversation:
"Hey Liz, this is Mark from Boone, do you remember me?"
"Of course I do, how are you?"
"I'm good, and I'm in Wilmington. You'd said I should call you if I found myself in Wilmington, so here I am calling you."
"Awesome. We should hang out!"
"We definitely should"
"What are you doing tonight?"
(I was on vacation, and preferred to just let things happen as they would, so I rarely planned anything, and had nothing planned, so I said..)
"I'm on vacation, and I haven't planned anything, so I hadn't made any plans for tonight yet."
"Cool, let's hang out then. I'll swing by and pick you up at around 7."
"Awesome! I'll see you then."
"Bye!"
Then, about half an hour later, she called me back.
"Mark, I just got a call from work. They need me to go in for a while, but I'll be getting off there around 11. Do you want to get together then, at 11?"
(I thought it was a little unusual to meet up with someone at 11 at night, but I really didn't see any reason why not, and I was on vacation, after all so I said...)
"I'm on vacation, I don't have to get up at any particular time, so why not?"
"Great, I'll see you later"
"Bye."

Liz, and her car:

So, Liz picks me up shortly after 11, and we decide to go to Perkins. (For the uninitiated, Perkins is like Denny's, only better). We get to Perkins, chow down on some appetizers, and sit and talk for at least 3 hours. Maybe 4. We spent most of the time totally cracking each other up. I remember very little of the actual conversation, just the feelings it evoked, which were fun, happy feelings. After a few hours, which seemed like a few minutes, the staff at Perkins started giving us dirty looks. I guess we'd exceeded the time that we had leased the table for with our food purchases. So we spent a few minutes wondering what we could possibly do on a Wednesday night at 3am. What could 2 young people that were greatly enjoying one another's company POSSIBLY do? I couldn't think of anything. So after wracking our brains for several minutes while failing to come up with a plan, I suggested: "How about we just go for a walk on the beach."
"That's a great idea", says Liz.
It was a great idea. And, for those of you thinking, "Hey, Mark, that's actually pretty smooth." It was also very unintentional. Yes, a moonlit walk on the beach is very romantic. Yes, I was getting ready to do just that with a girl I was very attracted to. No, I didn't actually think of it like that. I'm clueless, remember? So, we're walking down the beach. We may or may not have been barefoot, I don't remember. At this time I think to myself, "Hmmm. Maybe I should, like, flirt with her or something." Of course, being clueless, I didn't realize I was already well beyond the point where flirtation would've been entirely necessary. So, at this point, a tickle fight breaks out. I don't remember who started it. So I wind up chasing Liz down the beach, both of us giggling like school children, and Liz "falls down". I'm not sure if she fell down intentionally or not. I'm also not sure if the slick judo move she put on me right then was intentional, but I wound up on my back in the sand. The next thing I knew, Liz was on top of me, and I'll stop there. But, the kicker is, that it wasn't until that very moment that it occurred to me, "Maybe she is interested in me!" Despite my cluelessness, I still hold that night in high regard as one of my fondest memories. Thanks, Liz, for being you. And for dealing with me and my hard head. It was easily the best date I've ever been on, even though it probably doesn't qualify as a date, or if it did, I didn't realize it at the time.

So, the lesson of this story is: If you are a girl that is interested in me, you pretty much have to hit me over the head to get me to realize it. However, certain Judo moves have proved to be effective, as well.